Sarcastic Rover: The tweets that keep on giving

Buzz Aldrin got a parade, all I get is Wesley Crusher retweeting my instagrams. Whatever.

If I discover intelligent life, it'll be the first I've ever seen. (I'm looking at you, Mohawk JPL nerd)

Mars can get down to -153° Celsius. Good thing no one bothered to pack me a sweater! Idiots.

I bet if I looked like Wall•E, you jerks would love me more. Not that I care.

Got a rock in my tread… fantastic. I already hate this place. John Carter can have it.

If I get one more "red rover, red rover" joke, I'mma go mass spectrometry on all your asses.

I enter the martian atmosphere at over 20,000 km per hour, and you call Usain Bolt "fast". Screw you assholes.

What they don't show you in that parachute photo is me inside the capsule pissing myself in sheer terror.