Silent 3's medicated musings
Yet another blog that will take up gigs of space, be accessable to anyone on the face of the earth, and will be read by (maybe) three people... If I'm lucky.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
On the weather in Pennsylvania
It's as if Old Man Winter dropped to one knee, fluttered his jazz hands and said, "Folks, you ain't seen nothin' yet!"
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
"The 12 Days of Christmas" - Twin Peaks
Friday, December 06, 2013
Wednesday, December 04, 2013
Inappropriate Elf on the Shelf
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Marcus Aurelius on the topic of intimacy
"... as for sexual intercourse, it is the rubbing of a piece of intestine, then a convulsion, and the spurting of some mucus."
- 'The Meditations' by Marcus Aurelius
I think Marcus was setting up a Stoic defense for his future use:
"Honey, I swear, she meant absolutely nothing to me!"
Friday, November 29, 2013
“With God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly”
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Want a Traditional Thanksgiving Feast?
This Thanksgiving, millions of Americans will sit down to a traditional meal in celebration of all that the New World has given us.
In memory of our ancestors — or the ancestors of the people who bought our ancestors, or the ancestors of the people who decided our ancestors didn't really deserve land if they weren't going to properly exploit it, or the ancestors of the people who resented our ancestors for coming over here and taking all the jobs they didn't want — we'll sit down to a table loaded with the same traditional foods they had at the first Thanksgiving.
First, Mother will bring out the eels and cod. Who doesn't have fond memories of seeing a huge plate of grilled eels and cod set down on the dinner table? Make sure Grandpa gets the eyes! Of course, nobody would expect to eat just one type of seafood on Thanksgiving. Mussels and clams are in abundance, although some poor families make do with lobster.
Naturally, the centerpiece of any Thanksgiving meal is the birds. Turkey is a popular choice, but to many people Thanksgiving just wouldn't be Thanksgiving without at least a couple roasted ducks and a swan or two.
The kids would just as soon eat nothing but birds and shellfish, and maybe a few wild berries, but the grown-ups are there to make sure they eat their vegetables. No dessert until you eat your dried corn, beetroot and beans.
Yeah, OK, swan and eel are pretty much off the Thanksgiving menu these days. Instead we eat various traditional foods that weren't at what's widely considered the ur-Thanksgiving, at least in the United States.
Candied yams — actually sweet potatoes, but "yam" is a fun word — wouldn't be invented for almost 200 years. If anyone thought to mash potatoes with butter and milk before the 1700s, they kept it to themselves. And as for green beans with fried onions and condensed cream of mushroom soup … I'll let you ponder that one.
The first Thanksgiving feast lasted three days, providing enough food for 13 Pilgrims and 90 Native Americans The feast consisted of fish (cod, eels, and bass) and shellfish (clams, lobster, and mussels), wild fowl (ducks, geese, swans, and turkey), venison, berries and fruit, vegetables (peas, pumpkin, beetroot and possibly, wild or cultivated onion), harvest grains (barley and wheat), and the Three Sisters: beans, dried Indian maize or corn, and squash.
Monday, November 25, 2013
Loudon Wainwright III - "Thanksgiving"
Lord every year we gather here
To eat around this table
Give us the strength to stomach as much
As fast as we are able
Bless this food to our use
Though communication's useless
Don't let me drink too much wine
Lord you know how I get ruthless
Let us somehow get through this meal
Without that bad old feeling
With history and memory
And home cooking we're dealing
Remind us that we are all grown up
Adults, no longer children
Now it's our kids that spill the milk
And our turn to want to kill them
I look around and recognize
A sister and a brother
We rarely see our parents now
We hardly see each other
On this auspicious occasion
This special family dinner
If I argue with a loved one, Lord Loudon Wainwright Iii - Thanksgiving on http://www.nuttylyrics.com/loudon-wainwright-iii-thanksgiving/id80
Please make me the winner
All this food looks and smells so good
But I can hardly taste it
The sense of something has been lost
There's no way to replace it
After the meal, switch on the game
There's just a few more seconds
But I'm so tired, I need a nap
The guest bedroom bed beckons
I fall asleep, I have a dream
In it is the family
Nothing bad has happened yet
And everyone is happy
Mother and Father, both still young
And naturally they love us
We're all lying on a lawn at night
Watching the stars above us
Lord every year we gather here
To eat around this table
Give us the strength to stomach as much
As fast as we are able
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Monday, November 18, 2013
Friday, November 15, 2013
In other news, water is wet
Groundbreaking Study: Guys Like To Stare At BoobiesLead researcher Sarah Gervais' study found that men like looking at women's large breasts.
UK spy found dead in locked bag 'not murder'
A British spy whose naked, decomposing body was found padlocked in a bag in his bath probably died accidentally on his own, police in the UK have said, rejecting conspiracy theories that his death was the work of foreign agents.
The Metropolitan Police's deputy assistant commissioner, Martin Hewitt, said on Wednesday that investigations suggested it was likely Gareth Williams, a code-breaker working for MI6, had not been murdered.
"Most probably, it was an accident," Hewitt said. "I'm convinced that Gareth's death was in no way linked to his work."
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Saturday, November 09, 2013
Jar Jar Binks Finally Gets the Fate He Deserves
Probably the worst thing that happened to Star Wars fans ever, Jar Jar Binks and his grating screen presence is the ugliest stain on the beloved saga's history. This week, the internet rejoiced collectively when video surfaced online of Jar Jar plunging to a well-deserved watery grave. If only the Phantom Menace had worked out so well.
Friday, November 01, 2013
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
I was considering Grad School…and then I saw this.
Monday, October 28, 2013
Been there. Actually done that.
I have listened to it all the way through.
I was hanging out in a friend's room when his roommate came rushing in, proudly holding a copy of Lou's newest release, Metal Machine Music.
He put it on the turntable and we listened in puzzlement for several minutes.
Eventually we started talking and resumed partying while the record played. When it stopped suddenly (at 16 minutes and one second) we put on the second side, which sounded the same as the first side. Party continued.
Repeat with side three, then side four.
After about 45 minutes, someone said, "Shouldn't this side be over by now?"
It was then we discovered that side 4 had no lead-out groove that would cause the tonearm to eject. The last groove of the LP was an endless loop.
And the time on Side 4 was listed as "16:01 or [infinity symbol]"
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Meet Mr. Balls, testicular cancer’s horrifying new mascot
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Justice is served (plus shipping and handling)
This American Life - Superpowers 2013
Subject is SUPERPOWERS
We answer the following questions about superpowers:
Can superheroes be real people? (No.)
Can real people become superheroes? (Maybe.)
And which is better: flight or invisibility? (Depends who you ask.)
The Podcast features the following:
Host Ira Glass talks to comic artist Chris Ware, who thought about superheroes a lot of the time as a kid. In grade school, Chris drew superheroes, he invented his own character named The Hurricane (not to be confused with Reuben Carter), and he made a superhero costume. Sometimes he wore parts of the costume to school under his regular clothes, which went fine until he realized he would have to change clothes for gym class.
John Hodgman conducts an informal survey in which he asks the age-old question: Which is better: The power of flight or the power of invisibility? He finds that how you answer tells a lot about what kind of person you are. And also, no matter which power people choose, they never use it to fight crime.
Kelly McEvers with the story of Zora, a self-made superhero. From the time she was five, Zora had recurring dreams in which she was a 6'5" warrior queen who could fly and shoot lightning from her hands. She made a list of all the skills she would need to master if she wanted to actually become the superhero she dreamed of being. Sample items: Martial arts, evasive driving and bomb diffusion. She actually checked off most things on the list...and then had a run-in with the CIA
Ira talks with Jonathan Morris, the amazingly funny and charming editor of the website Gone and Forgotten, an Internet archive of failed comic book characters. Jonathan explains what makes a new superhero succeed, and what makes him tank.
Of course you can't be a superhero without a supervillain trying to destroy you. And the most interesting supervillains, of course, are the ones who think that they're the real heroes, not the guys in the capes. Glynn Washington tells the story of Evil D.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Thursday, October 17, 2013
The Most Important Image Captured By Hubble
(based on the red-shift of the distant galaxies in the photo, a 3-D animation was produced to give the effect of flying through the field.)
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Two Monkeys Were Paid Unequally:
Monday, October 14, 2013
Unleash your inner Monty Python
Friday, October 11, 2013
Everyday products you probably use the wrong way .....good info
1. You've probably been ignoring this feature.
Most aluminum foil boxes have press-in tabs that secure the roll in place, so you don't have worry about it flying out every time you rip off a sheet.
You know how when you violently shake a container of Tic Tacs into your palm it seems as though you always end up with zero or seven? Avoid that altogether by letting a mint gently glide into the tiny lid crevice.
3. Forget to pack a spoon with that applesauce? No problem.
4. You've been storing peanut butter the wrong way.
Never arm wrestle with a jar of peanut butter, just to make sure it's not oily on top and crumby on the bottom, again. Store it upside down, so the oils distribute evenly.
5. You haven't been using ketchup cups to their full potential.
Instead of grabbing multiple cups of ketchup, simply pull apart at the edges for twice the space.
6. You're probably using the wrong plunger.
This is easily the most recognizable plunger. Chances are you have one lying around the house. BUT, did you know it's only meant to be used on clogged sinks?
To unclog a toilet, you need a flange plunger, which doesn't have a flat bottom.
7. Chinese takeout containers are actually made to fold out into plates.
The containers actually are meant to unfold into a makeshift plate, which you can easily reassemble into a box for storing leftovers.
8. You're brushing with too much toothpaste.
You only need to use a pea-sized amount of toothpaste for effective cleaning. Most ads feature globs of toothpaste the size of the brush because a.) it looks nice and b.) it makes you use up more toothpaste.
9. Greek yogurt containers are meant to be folded in half.
Chances are you've been scooping the toppings with your spoon onto the yogurt.
But, have you realized, the topping holder folds over, so you can pour the toppings DIRECTLY ON TOP?
10. You've probably been placing toilet seat covers in the wrong direction.
The flap is meant to be placed toward the front. This prevents the agony of sitting down on a toilet seat, only to realize you've dragged the cover down into the bowl.
11. Soda tabs double as straw holders.
Turn the tab around so that it acts as holder that can stop the straw from raising out of the can as the soda fizzes.
12. There's a foolproof way to keep your extension cords from coming undone.
Plug the cords into a loop to avoid disconnection.
13. Pipe cleaners can be used to clean..ACTUAL PIPES.
OK, sure, you can use them to make mess free crafts with your kids, but did you know you can also use them…;
14. You've been serving juice boxes the wrong way.
Pull the sides out so you child has something to grasp onto, stopping them from spilling.
15. Never break off more chocolate than you can chew again.
To easily break off a single piece of Toblerone, pull toward the bar, not away from it.
16. You probably don't realize it, but your pots come with built-in spoon rests.
That hanging hole doubles as a spoon rest, in a pinch.
17. There's a much easier way to floss.
Tie floss into a loop and never strangle your fingers again.
18. Soft-drink lids can double as coasters.
Take the lid from the top of cup (or grab an extra) and use it as a perfectly sized coaster.