Friday, August 29, 2014

The Great Kale Shortage - humor from The New Yorker

News Headline:  Kale's Popularity Leading to Worldwide Shortage.


THREE MONTHS IN (OCTOBER, 2014)
Ma and I put up what little kale we had—pickled it, put it in Mason jars, and stored it in a cool, dark place. Ma says now that there will be less we will appreciate it all the more. Ma can be sort of a downer.
Yesterday, at our local grocer's, Pa and I saw that there are not one but two competing companies trying to sell lowly cabbage as a "kale extender." Pa said, "The only thing I'd like to extend is my middle finger."
 
SIX MONTHS IN (JANUARY, 2015)
Last night, under the cover of darkness, Pa went out to buy some kale leaves from a darty-eyed man on a street corner. But, when Pa returned home, his high-priced purchase turned out to be a ziplock baggy full of chard.
Pa's only recourse is to enter the black market, where shifty young men sell K, a black powder made from pulverizing stockpiled kale chips. But no. No. I hope never to see my own father lower his face into a paper bag to huff K; it makes your lips look like you've been eating powdered-sugar doughnuts, but powdered-sugar doughnuts that have been set on fire.
 


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