SAN DIEGO (The Borowitz Report)—The San Diego Convention Center is hosting the first-ever convention of people who shot Osama bin Laden, with organizers expecting a turnout of between three thousand and four thousand.
If I'm ever on TV, it'll probably be on a local news broadcast. My name will appear at the bottom of the screen, and under that will be some terse comment. I wonder what it will say? Perhaps "Knew the Victim" ... or "Alleged Ringleader" ... "Lottery Winner" ... "Person of Interest"