21st century humor in 18th century style

My friend Tim Abbott writes the occasional blog post about a fictional soldier in the Continental Army.  His name is Constant Belcher. 

Tim's post start with researched history, and then Belcher's humorous journal entry follows. 

In this post, Belcher opens a coffee shop and encounters a problem… with a creative solution. 

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"Febr 28th 1779  - To Day did make application as Sutler to ye Colonel's Coy.  Took as a rouge de gear ye name of Starbuck, proprietor at Ye Sign of ye Mermaid. Through ye London trade landed a bargain gross of redware solo cups for ales lest they become confus'd with ye grande ones intend'd for coffee.

Mar 2nd 1779 - This Day Jono Dayton from Connecticut Farms did lend lease a milch cow to ye

enterprise in contemplation, thair being no cream to be had in Eliza, found it simpler to express directly from udder to cup which produc'd a wonderous froth for ye coffee.   

The name Syllabub already taken for this manner of whitening wine, have decided to call it Express-o & sell it at 6p, or 1s double shot.

Mar 6th 1779 - Business being brisk have decided to expand ye franchise to ye other Coys of the 1st Jarzy Regt 

 Did make contractt with Ens. Levy of our Regt. who does have relatives in Nieu Yorck, to provide fine lean salt beef, half sour cow cumbers in brine & a thin sort of hard tack much esteem'd by ye Hebrew people of that Towne.

Mar 8th - Ye Sign of ye Mairmaid now to be found on every street of ye encampment 

Did add Pompion spice to old coffee by which ye flavor is grately improv'd & does generate good custom.  

Mayhap adding divers spices will increase consumption. will try adding ramps when spring onions are in season

More at 

https://constantbelcher.blogspot.com/2015/11/belcher-barista.html