"Honey, I'm MRS. Chris Hansen. Have a seat over here."
Yet another blog that will take up gigs of space, be accessable to anyone on the face of the earth, and will be read by (maybe) three people... If I'm lucky.
ARIZONA (The Borowitz Report) – In a fledgling campaign that has already produced more than its share of gaffes, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn) today confused her ass with a hole in the ground during a campaign swing through Arizona.
Speaking to a group of supporters in Phoenix, Rep. Bachmann raised eyebrows when she said, "It's great to be here in Arizona, the home of my ass."
After her comment was greeted with confused murmurs from the crowd, Rep. Bachmann quickly added, "Oh wait, did I say my ass? I meant the Grand Canyon."
Being unable to tell her ass from a hole in the ground, especially a prominent one such as the Grand Canyon, is only one of many challenges facing Rep. Bachmann in her quest for the Presidency, according to political science professor Davis Logsdon of the University of Minnesota.
"Michele Bachmann is a staunch believer in the theory of Intelligent Design," he said. "However, Intelligent Design cannot explain Michele Bachmann."
But Dr. Logsdon added that Rep. Bachmann remains an attractive candidate, especially for those Republican voters who find former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin "too cerebral."
"When Sarah Palin looks at Michele Bachmann, she must feel the way the Jonas Brothers feel about Justin Bieber," he said.
In other political news, GOP presidential candidate Newt Gingrich said today that "marriage must be defined as the union between a man, a woman, and the man's staff member at the time."
If you're in Spain, he said, you eat ham. If you're in Argentina, you eat beef. If you're in Vietnam, you eat, um, the local cuisine.
His opinion is pretty much what you'd expect from a guy who recently released a book titled Medium Raw: A Bloody Valentine to the World of Food and the People Who Cook.
Later in the talk, he took questions from the audience -- a couple thousand people in suburban Atlanta. One unfortunate lady had a real problem she needed Bourdain to solve, and she told the woeful tale of her seven-year-old, who had taken a vow of vegetarianism.
"How can I get him to come back around?" asked the lady.
Bourdain paused a beat.
Then he said, "Bacon."
And the place went wild.
Because bacon, without getting too much into hyperbole, is the food of the gods. I've written elsewhere on Man of the House about omelets and how they're the conduit to all your hopes and dreams. It's no accident that bacon comes on the side.
Bacon, though, is no sidekick. If omelets weren't so damn delicious, bacon could have the starring role on my breakfast plate. And versatility? My lord, don't get me started. Bacon is awesome on a baked potato, in a salad, on top of a cheeseburger and wrapped around a scallop (or, for that matter, a pork chop). Bacon makes you a better lover (My research on this is not yet complete) and it makes you a better man.
As my friend Carl says, "Bacon is like Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs. He's only in the movie for like 10 minutes, but he's all you remember."
This past Sunday, Ezaki Glico, the candy company which aired the commercial, confirmed what many of AKB 48's fans had come to suspect: Aimi Eguchi wasn't real.
The new group member, it turns out, was a computer-generated composite of the real band members. Her pretty face was actually made up of the "best features" of six other members: her eyes, nose, mouth, hair/body, face outline and eyebrows were not flesh-and-blood, but cut-and-paste.
Not everyone was so quick to catch on, however, and Aimi had already formed a fan base of her own. "The video shocked fans of Eguchi," reports ChannelNews Asia, "who were convinced that her features were more the result of good genes than the skillful use of computer graphics."
Reggie Brown mocked the Mormon faith of Republican hopeful Mitt Romney.
He also said President Obama, who had a black father and white mother, celebrated half of Black History Month.
Mr Brown's microphone at the Republican Leadership Conference was cut off when he made a joke about the Tea Party.
Initially the audience applauded when Mr Brown made jokes about Anthony Weiner, the disgraced Democratic Congressman who resigned after sending lewd photographs of himself to women.
But then Mr Brown began ridiculing Republican presidential candidates.
He said if former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney were to become president, he would have his "first lady, second lady, third lady". (The Mormon church outlawed polygamy in the 19th Century.)
Mr Brown said former Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty missed the conference because he was having his foot removed from his mouth.
He added that the operation would be covered under President Obama and Mr Romney's respective healthcare reforms, along with spinal transplants. (Mr Pawlenty had criticised Mr Romney's healthcare initiatives in Massachusetts, but failed to challenge him directly when the two took part in a candidates' debate last week.)
Mr Brown then turned his attention to President Obama, saying the president was born in Hawaii, "or, as the Tea Partyers call it, Kenya".
(The ultra-conservative Tea Party wing of the Republican Party had questioned the legitimacy of Mr Obama's presidency, claiming he had been born outside the US and was thus ineligible to hold the highest office in the land, as mandated under the constitution. Mr Obama produced his long-form birth certificate in May, silencing all but a hard core of doubters.)
When Mr Brown launched into a gag about Tea Party stalwart Michele Bachmann, his microphone was cut off, the music swelled and the comedian was ushered from the stage.
You don't have to lift the hood to see what's "under the hood."
Pause and rewind: Zimbabwe's audio cassette boom
Harare, Zimbabwe (CNN) -- They might strike a nostalgic chord for music lovers with an ear for retro value but humble old cassette tapes are facing extinction in many parts of the world, left to wither in dusty closets in the era of MP3 players and digital downloads.
Rationality evolved to win arguments, some scholars suggest, and flawed reasoning is itself an adaptation.
humor from The Onion:
MONTICELLO (The Borowitz Report) – Visiting Thomas Jefferson's historic home, Monticello, former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin today paid tribute to the nation's third President, telling an audience of supporters, "We must never forget the wisdom of Jefferson, and his wife, Weezy."
Gov. Palin said that "at a time of our history when the American people needed leadership, it was Jefferson who said the immortal words, 'We're movin' on up.'"
The former Alaska Governor, criticized in recent days over her grasp of American history, used the Monticello speech to demonstrate her knowledge of the country's founding fathers.
"Let us have the ingenuity of Benjamin Franklin, who invented the electric chair," she said.
"Let us have the honesty of George Washington, who told his father that he chopped down a cherry tree because it was blocking his view of Russia," she added. "And let us have Washington's perseverance, which he demonstrated during that harsh winter at Sweet Valley High."
But she saved her most fulsome praise for her favorite American hero, Paul Revere: "In his famous cry, 'One if by land, two if by sea,' Paul Revere proved that you don't have to know how to count higher than two to be a great American."
At the end of her speech in Monticello, Gov. Palin said that she was looking forward to the next stop on her bus tour, Philadelphia, "the home of the Taco Bell."
British anti-terror activities took a decidedly sweet turn, last year.
NY Magazine: http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2011/06/sarah_palin_reveals_fascinatin.html?mid=facebook_nymag