Monday, December 29, 2008

Apples never tossed over the fence

Publisher cancels false memoir of Holocaust

A man whose memoir about his experience during the Holocaust was to have been published in February has admitted that his story was embellished, and his publisher has canceled the release of the book.

And, once again, a New York publisher and Oprah Winfrey were among those fooled by a too-good-to-be-true story.

This time, it was the tale of Herman Rosenblat, who said he first met his wife while he was a child imprisoned in a Nazi concentration camp and she, disguised as a Christian farm girl, tossed apples over the camp's fence to him. He said they met again on a blind date 12 years after the end of war in Coney Island and married, celebrating their 50th anniversary earlier this year.

Winfrey, who hosted Rosenblat and his wife, Roma Radzicki, on her show twice, called their romance "the single greatest love story" she had encountered in her 22 years on the show. On Saturday night, after learning from Rosenblat's agent that the author had confessed that the story was fabricated, Berkley Books, a unit of Penguin Group that was planning to publish "Angel at the Fence," Rosenblat's memoir of surviving in Schlieben, a sub-camp of the Buchenwald concentration camp, with the help of Radzicki, canceled the book and demanded that Rosenblat return his advance.

Harris Salomon, who is producing a movie based on the story, said he would go ahead with the film, but as a work of fiction, adding that Rosenblat had agreed to donate all earnings from the film to Holocaust survivor charities.

full at:

Friday, December 26, 2008

[insert your own Viagra joke here]

Little Blue Pills Among the Ways CIA Wins Friends in Afghanistan

Washington Post Staff Writer
Friday, December 26, 2008; Page A01

The Afghan chieftain looked older than his 60-odd years, and his bearded face bore the creases of a man burdened with duties as tribal patriarch and husband to four younger women. His visitor, a CIA officer, saw an opportunity, and reached into his bag for a small gift.

Four blue pills. Viagra.

"Take one of these. You'll love it," the officer said. Compliments of Uncle Sam.

The enticement worked. The officer, who described the encounter, returned four days later to an enthusiastic reception. The grinning chief offered up a bonanza of information about
Taliban movements and supply routes -- followed by a request for more pills.

For U.S. intelligence officials, this is how some crucial battles in
Afghanistan are fought and won. While the CIA has a long history of buying information with cash, the growing Taliban insurgency has prompted the use of novel incentives and creative bargaining to gain support in some of the country's roughest neighborhoods, according to officials directly involved in such operations.

In their efforts to win over notoriously fickle warlords and chieftains, the officials say, the agency's operatives have used a variety of personal services. These include pocketknives and tools, medicine or surgeries for ailing family members, toys and school equipment, tooth extractions, travel visas, and, occasionally, pharmaceutical enhancements for aging patriarchs with slumping libidos, the officials said.

full @

OK, time's up. Pencils down.
Let's see what headlines you came up with.
"Taliban faces stiffened resistance"

"Afghan Militants report upswing in attacks."

"Tribal leaders happy to see EVERYBODY!"

Man sets latke-eating world record

LAKE GROVE, N.Y., Dec. 22 (UPI) -- A Canadian man wolfed down 46 potato pancakes in 8 minutes to take the top spot at the National Potato Latke Eating Championship in Lake Grove, N.Y.

The contest, held Sunday before the sundown start of Hanukkah, ended with Pete Czerwinski, 23, besting 10 other eaters for the title of champion and setting a world record recognized by the Association of Independent Competitive Eaters, Newsday reported Monday.

Arnie Chapman, chairman of the association, said Czerwinski devoured the previous record of 31 latkes, which was set by Massachusetts eater Tom "Goose" Gilbert in 2006.

Czerwinski, who took home a $300 prize, said the secret to his starch-stuffing success is a lack of communication between his brain and his stomach.

"I'm just a power eater. My brain never signals that I'm full," said Czerwinski, described as a muscular 6-foot-2 college student who had never eaten a latke before.

Second place went to Will Millender, a 380-pound Brooklyn college student who ate 29 latkes


The news item leaves out a matter of great importance:
Does the reigning champion of latke eating prefer sour cream or applesauce?

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Vegetarian fed hens [SIC]

In our local supermarket I saw an egg box which proudly proclaimed "Vegetarian fed hens."

Animal rights groups may be dedicated to their cause, but allowing chickens to eat them is going too far.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Get your Nerd on !


Sunday, December 21, 2008

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien

"This week, President Bush hosted the annual White House Hanukkah party. There was an awkward moment when Bush made a wish and blew out all eight candles."

Friday, December 19, 2008

Seen on a Supermarket shelf

Ummm, no thanks, I'm not hungry... anymore.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Lab Rat Rehab

Here's an interesting learning tool.

Animated mice strung out on various drugs.
You pick one and drop in an analysis machine,
which shows you what's happening to the brain's receptors in each drug state.

No mice were harmed during the making of this animation.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

short short story

Bedtime Story

"Careful, honey, it's loaded," he said, re-entering the bedroom.

"This for your wife?"

"No. Too chancy. I'm hiring a professional."

"How about me?"

He smirked. "Cute. But who would be dumb enough to hire a lady hit man."

She wet her lips, sighting along the barrel.

"Your wife."

- Jeffrey Whitmore

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

what's in a name ?

A friend of mine asked: Does Gov. Blagojevich keep a blog?

I answered: As his name implies, he keeps a blag

Monday, December 15, 2008

Mug shot

If you are looking for a clever holiday gift -- with a political bent -- may I suggest the following?

Saturday, December 13, 2008

GERMAN Words of the Year Gammelfleischparty

> WORLD WIDE WORDS ISSUE 617 Saturday 13 December 2008
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> Sent each Saturday to at least 50,000 subscribers by e-mail and RSS
> Editor: Michael Quinion, Thornbury, Bristol, UK ISSN 1470-1448
> US advisory editor: Julane Marx
> -------------------------------------------------------------------

GERMAN Words of the Year

The publishers of Langenscheidt dictionaries announced their young person's
word of the year (Jugendwort 2008).

They chose "Gammelfleischparty".

It's unflattering youth slang for a gathering of people aged over 30. The
word may be translated as "spoiled meat party".

"Gammelfleisch" has been in the news this year because of a scandal
involving meat packers who were supplying kebab restaurants with products
past their sell-by date.

The runner up in the awards was "Bildschirmbräune": "screen suntan" for the
notoriously pasty faces of computer geeks.

The words were chosen through a poll of young people on a German Web site.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Empty Crib Syndrome

A long time ago, The Three Wise Men used the Star of Bethlehem to guide them to the baby Jesus.
Today, we need GPS tracking.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

In the Doghouse

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

shades of kindergarden

BBC news item:

Anger as Egypt sheikh meets Peres

Egypt's top Muslim cleric is under pressure to resign from politicians and newspapers for shaking the hand of Israeli President Shimon Peres.


Settle down, Egypt.
The Muslim cleric simply shook hands.
I'm sure he had his "Kootie Shot."

Friday, December 05, 2008

Surgeon saves boy's life by text

BBC News Article:

Surgeon saves boy's life by text

A British doctor volunteering in DR Congo used text message instructions from a colleague to perform a life-saving amputation on a boy.


Surgeon 1: B sure 2 saw correct arm

Surgeon 2: OMG I cut off the wrong one! jk

Surgeon 1: ROTFLMAO

Star Wars Holiday Special

Starring the Star Wars cast.

And Chewbacca's family.

And Jefferson Starship... and Bea Arthur.

And it has Carrie Fisher singing.

No, seriously. Stop laughing and watch the vid.

The Star Wars Holiday Special is a major contender for the title of:

Worst. TV Show. Ever.

The YouTube video is condensed to five minutes.

The show was TWO HOURS LONG.

Good luck, and may the Farce be with you.

George Lucas was not pleased with the results. He's been reported to have said,

"If I had the time and a sledgehammer, I would track down every copy of that show and smash it

Thursday, December 04, 2008

I'm filthy stinking RICH !

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

: "White Whine"

Check the "White Whine" page.
A new complaint from a white person every day of the week.


"Talk quickly… you have NO IDEA how cold my iPhone gets in this weather."

"I really thought I would be the only one in the class with a camouflage yoga mat."

"The lighter on my car is right in front of the drink holder so I can't charge my phone and put my venti vanilla latte in the cupholder at the same time. So annoying!"

"Ugh, switching the seasons in my closet takes forever."

"Only organic dog food? Are you kidding me? My vet wants me to be poor, I swear."

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

The Apple Newton LIVES !

Google application baffled by British accents

A new voice-recognition search tool for the iPhone has problems understanding British accents, leading to some bizarre answers to spoken queries, a newspaper report and users said Wednesday.

The free application, which allows iPhone owners to use the Google search engine with their voice, mistook the word "iPhone" variously for "sex," "Einstein" and "kitchen sink," said the Daily Telegraph.

I've got a traditional Kentish accent and the thing kept on spitting back ridiculous things," said Roger Ellinson, 26, from Maidstone in Kent, southeastern England.

"I asked it to find my nearest pizza take away and it came back with something about volcanoes," he added.

full at:

Q: How many Apple Newtons does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Foux! There to eat lemons, axe gravy soup.

Note: Refers to the Newton's crappy handwriting recognition software

Have you seen this film?

I haven't seen this film, but I'd see it based on just the title: