Saturday, November 30, 2013

Marcus Aurelius on the topic of intimacy

 "... as for sexual intercourse, it is the rubbing of a piece of intestine, then a convulsion, and the spurting of some mucus."
     - 'The Meditations' by Marcus Aurelius

I think Marcus was setting up a Stoic defense for his future use:
"Honey, I swear, she meant absolutely nothing to me!"

Friday, November 29, 2013

“With God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly”

"The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement! Not since the Hindenberg tragedy has there been anything like this! Oh, the Humanity!"

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Happy Thanksgiving from The Far Side

Want a Traditional Thanksgiving Feast?


This Thanksgiving, millions of Americans will sit down to a traditional meal in celebration of all that the New World has given us.

In memory of our ancestors — or the ancestors of the people who bought our ancestors, or the ancestors of the people who decided our ancestors didn't really deserve land if they weren't going to properly exploit it, or the ancestors of the people who resented our ancestors for coming over here and taking all the jobs they didn't want — we'll sit down to a table loaded with the same traditional foods they had at the first Thanksgiving.

First, Mother will bring out the eels and cod. Who doesn't have fond memories of seeing a huge plate of
grilled eels and cod set down on the dinner table? Make sure Grandpa gets the eyes! Of course, nobody would expect to eat just one type of seafood on Thanksgiving. Mussels and clams are in abundance, although some poor families make do with lobster.

Naturally, the centerpiece of any Thanksgiving meal is the birds. Turkey is a popular choice, but to many people Thanksgiving just wouldn't be Thanksgiving without at least a couple roasted ducks and a swan or two.

The kids would just as soon eat nothing but birds and shellfish, and maybe a few wild berries, but the grown-ups are there to make sure they eat their vegetables. No dessert until you eat your dried corn,
beetroot and beans.

Yeah, OK, swan and eel are pretty much off the Thanksgiving menu these days. Instead we eat various traditional foods that weren't at what's widely considered the ur-Thanksgiving, at least in the United States.

Candied yams — actually sweet potatoes, but "yam" is a fun word — wouldn't be invented for almost 200 years. If anyone thought to mash potatoes with butter and milk before the 1700s, they kept it to themselves. And as for green beans with fried onions and condensed cream of mushroom soup … I'll let you
ponder that one.

from Wikipedia:
The first Thanksgiving feast lasted three days, providing enough food for 13 Pilgrims and 90 Native Americans   The feast consisted of fish (cod, eels, and bass) and shellfish (clams, lobster, and mussels), wild fowl (ducks, geese, swans, and turkey), venison, berries and fruit, vegetables  (peas, pumpkin, beetroot  and possibly, wild or cultivated onion), harvest grains (barley and wheat), and the Three Sisters: beans, dried Indian maize  or corn, and squash.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Loudon Wainwright III - "Thanksgiving"

Lord every year we gather here
To eat around this table
Give us the strength to stomach as much
As fast as we are able

Bless this food to our use
Though communication's useless
Don't let me drink too much wine
Lord you know how I get ruthless

Let us somehow get through this meal
Without that bad old feeling
With history and memory
And home cooking we're dealing

Remind us that we are all grown up
Adults, no longer children
Now it's our kids that spill the milk
And our turn to want to kill them

I look around and recognize
A sister and a brother
We rarely see our parents now
We hardly see each other

On this auspicious occasion
This special family dinner
If I argue with a loved one, Lord Loudon Wainwright Iii - Thanksgiving on
Please make me the winner

All this food looks and smells so good
But I can hardly taste it
The sense of something has been lost
There's no way to replace it

After the meal, switch on the game
There's just a few more seconds
But I'm so tired, I need a nap
The guest bedroom bed beckons

I fall asleep, I have a dream
In it is the family
Nothing bad has happened yet
And everyone is happy

Mother and Father, both still young
And naturally they love us
We're all lying on a lawn at night
Watching the stars above us

Lord every year we gather here
To eat around this table
Give us the strength to stomach as much
As fast as we are able

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

...and so's my wife!


Monday, November 18, 2013

Just following orders.

The wife asked me to put the pie in the oven at 120 degrees.
Took some doing!

Friday, November 15, 2013

In other news, water is wet

Groundbreaking Study: Guys Like To Stare At BoobiesLead researcher Sarah Gervais' study found that men like looking at women's large breasts.

UK spy found dead in locked bag 'not murder'

A British spy whose naked, decomposing body was found padlocked in a bag in his bath probably died accidentally on his own, police in the UK have said, rejecting conspiracy theories that his death was the work of foreign agents.

The Metropolitan Police's deputy assistant commissioner, Martin Hewitt, said on Wednesday that investigations suggested it was likely Gareth Williams, a code-breaker working for MI6, had not been murdered.

"Most probably, it was an accident," Hewitt said. "I'm convinced that Gareth's death was in no way linked to his work."

Thursday, November 14, 2013


Saturday, November 09, 2013

Jar Jar Binks Finally Gets the Fate He Deserves

Probably the worst thing that happened to Star Wars fans ever, Jar Jar Binks and his grating screen presence is the ugliest stain on the beloved saga's history. This week, the internet rejoiced collectively when video surfaced online of Jar Jar plunging to a well-deserved watery grave. If only the Phantom Menace had worked out so well.

Friday, November 01, 2013

fun with statues