Saturday, March 31, 2007

How it Should be done

I eat breakfast on Saturdays with a bunch of guys, and then we attend Torah Study after breakfast. One year, we were all commenting on how our wives were extremely busy as they prepared for the Seder meal. We thought it was ironic that it took so long to prepare for a Seder meal -- which itself lasts for hours -- all to commemorate a meal eaten in haste.

We decided that if you wanted to be true to the spirit of the Flight from Egypt, you'd wait until the last minute before the start of Passover, hustle the family into the car, and stop at a drive-through fast food window, then drive out of town.

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Friday, March 30, 2007

Can I be a soft-core porn star?

LA Times writer Joel Stein writes about his big chance to appear in a soft-core porn film.


Before I said yes, I told him I needed to ask my wife, Cassandra. Afraid of a fight, I wimpily text-messaged her. Less than a minute later, she wrote back: "Are you going to get naked and simulate sex? I'd like to see that."

I read this five times.

I couldn't figure out if it was a joke, or if she was turned on, or just didn't care. Was it, "I'd like to see that," as in "I'd like to see it over and over again when you're not home as a marital aid"? Or was it, "I'd like to see that," as in "I'd like to see that so I could show everyone your pathetic attempts at foreplay"?

Text messaging, I discovered, needs more emoticons.,1,2503340.column?coll=la-news-a_section&ctrack=2&cset=true

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Thursday, March 29, 2007

Squirrel vs. Bird Feeder Designer

Those of you with bird feeders know that the feeders attract unwanted squirrels, as well as birds.

Here's Hammacher-Schlemmer's entry into the never-ending battle between squirrel and bird feeder designer.

Automatic Squirrel-Ejecting Bird Feeder:

Here's how it works: Small birds can perch on the feeder, but when a heavy squirrel lands on the perch, the feeder rotates to toss him off.

(My father-in-law says the squirrel ultimately wins. You spend 20 minutes constructing a gizmo to prevent him from getting to the food; he spends 20 hours trying out ways to defeat it.)

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Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Pesach Pot

JERUSALEM (Reuters) - Marijuana is not kosher for Passover, a pro-cannabis advocacy group says, advising Jews who observe the week-long holiday's special dietary laws to take a break from smoking the weed.

The Green Leaf Party announced on Wednesday that products of the cannibis plant have been grouped by rabbis within a family of foods such as peas, beans and lentils that is off-limits to Jews of European descent during Passover.

The Green Leaf Party, which has made several unsuccessful attempts to win election to parliament on a platform urging marijuana's legalisation, said it was issuing its advisory as a service to Jews who don't want to break ritual law.

But it said the rabbinical ban for the holiday beginning at sunset on Monday, during which many Jews eat matzos, or unleavened bread, could be a blessing in disguise.

"Logic dictates that if the rabbis say cannabis is non-kosher for Passover, it is apparently kosher during the rest of the year," Michelle Levin, a spokeswoman for the party, told the YNet news web site.


So... how do you sell your marijuana Chametz to a non-Jew without getting busted for Dealing?

Then again, you *can* burn this kind of Chametz. Stand downwind at your own risk.

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Saturday, March 24, 2007

New Technology ... the "book"

Here's how people performed
Tech Support in the Middle Ages...

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Friday, March 23, 2007

Houdini may be exhumed


NEW YORK -- Eighty-one years after Harry Houdini's Halloween death in Detroit, his grandnephew wants the escape artist's body exhumed to determine whether enemies poisoned him.

"It needs to be looked at," George Hardeen said Thursday. "His death shocked the entire nation, if not the world. Now maybe it's time to take a second look."


Woudn't it be great if they opened Houdini's coffin... and it was empty?

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Saturday, March 17, 2007

Seuss via Zimmerman

"Dylan Hears a Who"

(unfortunately, the site's been silenced. Buncha Grinches...)

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Tuesday, March 13, 2007

reading literally

NY Times Headline:

"Mexican President Presses Bush on Border Fence"

... ouch

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Friday, March 09, 2007

Are you a scientist ?

How to tell a scientist from a non-scientist:

Read this word aloud

a scientist will pronounce it "un-ionized",
a non-scientist will pronounce it "union-ized".

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Wednesday, March 07, 2007

"Hel-l-l-l-l-o-o-o-o-o Bab-y-y-y-y-y-y !"

found on the web:

Have you ever wondered what was being said on the other end of the Big Bopper's telephone conversation in "Chantilly Lace?"

Let Jayne Mansfield, another fatal victim of a vehicular crash, fill in the blanks with her 1965 answer song, "That Makes It!"

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"Hard Day's Night" in Yiddish

The Beatles' "Hard Day's Night" in Yiddish!

National Lampoon (hey, remember them?) once put out an issue devoted to a parody of The Beatles. One part of the magazine featured "the albums the Fab Four never released".

One album was a take-off on the Beatles' LP Rubber Soul. (The album actually was influenced by an encounter The Beatles had with Bob Dylan).

In the National Lampoon's version, Dylan converted them to Judiasm. The Beatles then released... "Rabbi Saul".

The album contained songs such as "The Shul on the Hill" ... "Your Mother Should Only Know" ... "If I Kvell" ... "Hey Juden" ... "This Goy" ...

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Monday, March 05, 2007

Just so you know...

The NY Times reviewed the new movie "Black Snake Moan"

At the end of A.O. Scott's review -- where the reviewers briefly explain reasons for the MPAA rating -- is the following warning:

"Black Snake Moan" is rated R (Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian). Half-naked nymphomaniac chained to radiator.


Thursday, March 01, 2007

Beer Launching Fridge

Hey all you Guys...

How many times has this happened to you?

You get home from a hard day of work, flop on the couch, flip on the TV and shout, "Honey, get me a beer."

If you're lucky, there's no response. If you're unlucky, the requested beer is delivered to your head.

Well, duck no longer, guys... THERE'S A BEER LAUNCHING REFRIGERATOR!

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