Are you qualified for this job?

Job Description
Our client, a Meat processor, well known in the domestic market and abroad, is looking for an experienced Boner, for the factory based in co. Wexford.

http://www.foodjobs.ie/viewjob.asp?NumJobID=10900

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I can only imagine the interview:

"What makes you qualified for this job, Mr Jones?"

"Well, for starters, I have 14 children..."

Toy Taxidermy

What robotic electronics are hiding underneath that plush polyester skin?

http://s3.amazonaws.com/s3.mattkirkland.com/ursum.html

vanity card example

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: Quick Futrurama audio gag...

from a friend:


In a moment of weakness, I was bingeing on Futurama clips at the Hulu streaming-video site. As befits a sci-fi animation series, there's no shortage of automatic sliding doors, always with the classic Star Trek whsssh sound effect.

One classic episode brings the show's characters to the factory where Slurm soda is made ("Slurm: It's highly addictive!"); overall, the tour spoofs the original 1971 Willie Wonka chocolate factory visit.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/4489/futurama-slurm-factory-tour

Around the 1:30 mark in this clip, the tour guide leads the group through a pair of ordinary hinged doors... and we hear the classic Star Trek whsssh sound effect.

--
Brian

Divided by a different language

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As we know, there is a difference between English English and American English.

A friend of mine discovered the difference between the two during a dinner party

Their guests were from England, and during dinner, the conversation got a little risque.

My friend said to his guest's wife, "One more remark like that and I'll have to put you over my knee and paddle your fanny."

She turned beet red

You see, in America, the "fanny" is her posterior.

In Jolly Old England, it's her... ummmm, anterior.

.

Haiku for a Spring Morning

Haiku for a Spring Morning


Cough cough hack cough cough.
Cough hack cough hack hack hack hack.
Cough cough cough cough SPIT.

A proper introduction, and then some

I saw an online article that offered the following advice:

When you're at a party, and two people you know meet each other for the first time, not only should you make a proper introduction, but you should mention something interesting about each person to the other one.

(e.g. "Robert, this is Sam. Sam works at a company that solves environmental issues in energy production.")

But I think if you really want to give two strangers something to talk about, I think the introduction should go something like this:

"Robert, this is Sam. Sam supplies the steel drum music for all the 'Girls Gone Wild' videos."

Now THAT'S a conversation starter, eh?

"Oh, like YOU blend?" - Marisa Tomei

When you're in Philly, you gotta have a cheesesteak, right?

But when you order one at the counter, you don't want to give yourself away as a cheesesteak noobie.

Here's a helpful animated guide, so you can 'Order Like A Local.'

http://www.rickssteaks.com/order-like-a-local.html

Lessons Learned

Grand Theft Auto 4 came out this week.

Retail Stores are selling it for around 60 dollars.

Now, if you've learned anything from playing the previous Grand Theft Auto releases, you would never pay that price.

You'd drive your car through the storefront window, steal a copy, and run over the store manager on your way out.

Maryland Sheep Show

My wife and I traveled down to Maryland this weekend for the annual "Sheep and Wool Show."

As you'd expect, there were lots of sheep-themed items on display.

One guy (in a kilt, no less!) was wearing a shirt which read:

"Baaaaa means No!"

Youz guys shore tawk funny

What American accent do you have?
http://www.gotoquiz.com/what_american_accent_do_you_have