Chopsticks that look like light sabers

Not as random or as clumsy as a spork; an elegant eating utensil for a more civilized age.

http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/c50f/?pfm=Search&t=star%20wars%20chop%20sabers

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My Coleslaw Recipe by Emo Philips

My Coleslaw Recipe
by Emo Philips


1. Chop cabbage into large bowl.
2. Look for green peppers.
3. Drive to store.
4. Choose green peppers.
5. Carry them to cashier.
6. Drive home.
7. Find wallet.
8. Drive to store.
9. Buy green peppers.
10. Drive home.
11. Chop green peppers into bowl.
12. Look for mayonnaise.
13. Drive to store.
14. Buy mayonnaise.
15. Drive home.
16. Mix mayonnaise into bowl.
17. Look for raisins.
18. Drive to store.
19. Buy stupid raisins.
20. Ignore stupid cashier's snickering.
21. Drive home.
22. Mix raisins into bowl.
23. Look for miserable lousy stupid carrots.
24. Drive to stupid lousy store.
25. Buy miserable stupid lousy carrots.
26. Call stupid miserable snickering cashier a Nazi.
27. Crawl to car.
28. Drive home.
29. Chop stupid damned miserable lousy carrots into damned stupid lousy miserable bowl.
30. Look for finger.
31. Look harder for finger.
32. Look everywhere for finger.
33. See cat scurrying away.
34. Follow cat into new neighbor's house, surprising him in middle of drug deal.
35. Dive over sofa to escape gunfire, landing on cat's tail, causing cat to screech and jump up into new neighbor's face and claw his eyes as he's bending over the sofa about to shoot you, enabling you to grab the gun from his hand, enabling you to hold the gun on him until the cops arrive, who then arrest him and drive you and the cat to the hospital where the cat's stomach is pumped and your finger is found and sewn back on good as new.
36. Collect reward of half of neighbor's property from drug auction, then just buy all the delicious coleslaw you want from a nice deli.

The Philly Wing Bowl: "Like a Who concert, only less orderly."

 

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=caple/050205

excerpts:

Welcome to the Wing Bowl, an annual tradition that captures the worst of Philadelphia's sports reputation. If you think the Super Bowl is too understated, if pro wrestling is too high-brow, if Detroit's Devil's Night is too tame, this is the competition for you. Basically, the Wing Bowl is an excuse for Philly fans to drink excessively, crowd into the Wachovia Center, ogle large-breasted women and heckle and throw crap at contestants.
In other words, it's like the Flyers are playing again


I had it easy getting into the Wing Bowl compared to the contestants, each of whom had to qualify through some extraordinary display of eating prowess. If you have wireless capability, you might want to move your laptop closer to the bathroom before reading these feats:
  * Rich the Butcher ate a pound of raw meat in one minute.
  * Hank the Tank ate five pounds of meatballs
  * Wing Kong ate 2½ pounds of liverwurst in seven minutes.
      (See? I warned you. And it's about to get worse.)
  * Wolfman ate two pounds of shrimp with 160 mealworms.
  * Obi Wing ate 60 live cockroaches.


The first two hours of Wing Bowl are devoted to the procession of contestants, in which the eaters and their entourages enter the floor and slowly circle the arena while fans hurl cups of beverages and assorted other garbage at them. It's like what you would get if you mixed the Olympics opening ceremonies with Mardi Gras and spring break and crammed it all inside a hockey rink. Except in place of each country's national anthem, throw in video of projectile vomiting from a past contest.


In an attempt to keep the crowd interested during the frequent and long commercial breaks, as well as maintaining the high standards of Wing Bowl, there is also a spectacular halftime act. A guy repeatedly smashes full beer cans against his head until they burst in an explosion of liquid and suds, then finishes his act by crushing one against the buttocks of his female assistant.
I tell you, it's like being at Cirque du Soleil.

RE: photo taken this morning

 

The warmth offered by the "Rosy-fingered Dawn" is ineffective against the "Frost-bitten Fist of Freezing."

photo taken this morning

The warmth offered by the "Rosy-fingered Dawn" is ineffective against the "Frost-bitten Fist of Freezing."

Joseph Plum Martin's memoir is available as a free audio download

 A young private serving in the Continental Army, "Plumb" Martin wrote a vivid account of his experiences during the Revolutionary War.  An audio copy of his memoir is available for free download at:

http://librivox.org/a-narrative-of-a-revolutionary-soldier-some-of-the-adventures-dangers-and-sufferings-of-joseph-plumb-martin-by-joseph-plumb-martin/

hobbit meals

Norway goat cheese fire closes tunnel

A road tunnel in Norway has been closed - by a lorry-load of burning cheese.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-21141244

Sometimes, all you need is a headline.

Sometimes, all you need is a headline.
And sometimes, even the headline is Too Much Information.


Florida Creep Pleads Guilty To Enema Tampering
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/enema-tampering-plea-789462

Liestrong! Humor from The Onion

Cycling is DOPE! And now you can be too with an authentic, official looking, Cheat To Win bracelet.  Sponsored by Balco and worn by great athletes around the world. 

CHEAT TO WIN embossed on HGH, EPO, and Testosterone slow release dispensing yellow bracelet.


http://store.theonion.com/p-5045-cheat-to-win-bracelet.aspx

Banana Slicer: Read the reviews / comments

Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer

• Faster, safer than using a knife
• Great for cereal
• Plastic, dishwasher safe
• Slice your banana with one quick motion

=====

For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. "Use a knife!" they say. Well...my parole officer won't allow me to be around knives. "Shoot it with a gun!" Background check...HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed. No longer consumed by seething anger and animosity towards thick-skinned yellow fruit, I was able to concentrate on my love of theatre and am writing a musical play about two lovers from rival gangs that just try to make it in the world. I think I'll call it South Side Story.



What can I say about the 571B Banana Slicer that hasn't already been said about the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone.... this is one of the greatest inventions of all time. My husband and I would argue constantly over who had to cut the day's banana slices. It's one of those chores NO ONE wants to do! You know, the old "I spent the entire day rearing OUR children, maybe YOU can pitch in a little and cut these bananas?" and of course, "You think I have the energy to slave over your damn bananas? I worked a 12 hour shift just to come home to THIS?!" These are the things that can destroy an entire relationship. It got to the point where our children could sense the tension. The minute I heard our 6-year-old girl in her bedroom, re-enacting our daily banana fight with her Barbie dolls, I knew we had to make a change. That's when I found the 571B Banana Slicer. Our marriage has never been healthier, AND we've even incorporated it into our lovemaking. THANKS 571B BANANA SLICER!


Gone are the days of biting off slice-sized chunks of banana and spitting them onto a serving tray. At long last there is a saliva-free way of slicing bananas. Thank you Hutzler! Next on my wish list: a kitchen tool for dividing frozen water into cube-sized chunks


No more throwing bananas at the ceiling fan for me! This product has saved me the work of peeling the banana slices off the wall after the fan slices them. Thanks, banana slicer!


If God does not exist, then how is it that a banana fits so perfectly in this banana slicer? CHECKMATE, ATHEISTS!


many more at http://www.amazon.com/Hutzler-5717-571-Banana-Slicer/dp/B0047E0EII/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

Pretty pretty pathogens

 

Artist Luke Jerram makes exact glass replicas of harmful viruses, prions and bacteria. Each replica is about 1,000,000 times the size of the actual virus.



From top to bottom, left to right: Swine Flu, E. Coli, T4 Bacteriophage and a Human Papilloma (HPV).


Take a look at the rest of the gallery for Malaria, Smallpox, SARS and HIV.
http://bit.ly/Wf00IG

from the CL meeting

 

When the upcoming Monmouth New Jersey Revolutionary War event was presented at today's CL meeting, the Powerpoint show started with some funny slides. Attached picture shows the Honorary British Commander.

FW: A Phrase A Week - Lily-livered

Lily-livered

Meaning

Cowardly.

Origin

I suppose it is the job of idioms to provide richness to the language by creating meaning that is different to the literal meaning of the idiom's individual words. Almost any idiom serves as an example - 'cloud cuckoo land', 'fancy-free', 'hat trick' and so on, but 'lily-livered' must seem especially opaque to non-English speakers endeavouring to learn the language. Why would that mean cowardly?

One clue is that our Middle Ages predecessors believed the liver to be in control of our emotions. It was thought to be the organ that created blood and that a poorly functioning liver was the cause of mental or physical weakness. Anyone who was choleric, bilious or irritable was labelled 'liverish'. There were numerous 'livery' conditions:

liver-hearted, or lily-livered - craven, cowardly
liver-faced - mean spirited
liver-lipped - pale and feeble 
liver-sick - suffering from dropsy, or the diseases we now call cirrhosis and hepatitis.

By contrast, a robust liver supplying ample blood was thought to create rosy cheeks glowing with ruddy good health. References to 'ruddy' meaning 'healthy' date from the 14th century.

The second part of the explanation is that the lily was synonymous with whiteness. The White or Madonna Lily seems to have a whiteness that is whiter than other whites and the plant was grown in mediaeval gardens as a symbol of purity. In William Turners Herball, 1562, the author referred to it like this:

The Lily hath a long stalk... The flour is excedyng white.

In the same way as 'liver', 'lily' has been used as a prefix in several descriptive terms, in this case describing conditions that exemplfy purity or paleness - lily-cheeked, lily-fingered, lily-handed, lily-wristed and so on.

So, putting the two adjectives together we get 'lily-livered', that is, 'having a pale and bloodless liver'.

Shakespeare appears to have coined the phrase and, in Macbeth, 1623, when the Bard needed to emphasize the fear and cowardice of a servant who was bringing the king news of a military attack, he described the servant as 'a white-faced loon' and gave Macbeth the line:

Go pricke thy face, and over-red thy feare, Thou Lilly-liver'd Boy.

---

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True dat

Gagh is Klingon Lo Mein