Our Modern World

Social Distancing in the pews

Bob

I, for one, Welcome our Silicon Overlords with Existential Crisis

Dave Barry: A journey into my colon — and yours | Miami Herald.pdf

Happens every time

Silent 3

May there always be an England

Bob

Fw: Convention Roll Call in 2020

So we found some cheer in the Dems version last night.  Visuals added a lot. 

The snarky crowd on Twitter (historian Kevin Kruse) predicted the RNC version next week:

ALABAMA: Roy Moore, legally standing a hundred feet outside a mall

ALASKA: Hunters lighting up caribou with AK-47s

ARIZONA: Joe Arpaio licking a taser

ARKANSAS: Tom Cotton smashing a bottle on a bar, daring the camera to fight...

AMERICAN SAMOA: [delegates barred because Trump insists they're a Girl Scout cookie]

CALIFORNIA: Devin Nunes' cow

COLORADO: A can of room temperature Coors Light

CONNECTICUT: Lou Dobbs for some reason

DELAWARE: Biden's long-form birth certificate

DC: A canister of tear gas

FLORIDA: Ron DeSantis in a hazmat suit he somehow has on inside-out

GEORGIA: Brian Kemp holding a lit stick of dynamite

GUAM: [delegates barred because Trump hates Wrigley's]

HAWAII: A local official insisting it's actually part of America until the microphone is cut off

IDAHO: A tray of burnt French fries

ILLINOIS: Rod Blagojevich with an auctioneer's gavel

INDIANA: Bobby Knight, talking to an empty chair, screaming at an empty chair, kicking the living shit out of an empty chair

IOWA: A corn-dog cannon from the State Fair

KANSAS: Kris Kobach and his list of very real cases of voter fraud that he can't seem to find

KENTUCKY: Mitch McConn-BOOOOOOOO!

LOUISIANA: LSU Coach Ed Orgeron running through a tackling dummy with Joe Biden's face taped to it

MAINE: Susan Collins' slight disappointment

MARYLAND: The defense lawyer from "The Wire"

MASSACHUSETTS: Sully and White Pete outside a Dunkin, what the hell you lookin' at

MICHIGAN: A middle-aged Kid Rock, getting winded halfway through "Bawitdaba"

MINNESOTA: Michele Bachmann, that's right, America,  Michele Bachman!

MISSISSIPPI: A Confederate monument come to life

MISSOURI: The St. Louis gun couple

MONTANA: Greg Gianforte in a luchador mask

NEBRASKA: Ben Sasse, slowly edging out of the camera frame

NEVADA: [NSFW story recounted in Michael Cohen's book]

NEW HAMPSHIRE: [postponed due to bad weather]

NEW JERSEY: Chris Christie, directing traffic in Fort Lee

NEW MEXICO: Someone insisting that "the wall should have been to the south, please, sir, we're Americans, please"

NEW YORK: The hosts of "Fox & Friends," but Kilmeade has somehow caught his head in a blender

NORTH CAROLINA: The Duke Blue Devil mascot slapping the floor

NORTH DAKOTA: A guy dramatically coughing on the elderly Wal-Mart greeter who asked him to wear a mask

OHIO: Jim Jordan in an OSU wrestling singlet

OKLAHOMA: A pile of slurry next to a fracking device

OREGON: Cliven Bundy, barricaded in Malheur again for some reason

PENNSYLVANIA: Just a paper sign that says "Wharton"

PUERTO RICO: A fresh roll of Bounty paper towels

RHODE ISLAND: Calamari, again

SOUTH CAROLINA: Lindsey Graham debating Lindsey Graham about Trump's character

SOUTH DAKOTA: Kristi Noem, sandblasting Trump's face onto Mt. Rushmore

TENNESSEE: Marsha, Marsha, Marsha 

TEXAS: Ted Cruz, attacking his own wife and father

UTAH: A battered piñata of Mitt Romney

VERMONT: A guy with a Bernie Sanders cutout screaming "socialism" over and over

VIRGINIA: A torchlight parade in Charlottesville

WASHINGTON: [stricken from the roll call after a long argument with the president about how he doesn't live there]

WEST VIRGINIA: A lump of beautiful, clean coal!

WISCONSIN: The ghost of Joe McCarthy, even though he too is a little skeeved out by all this

WYOMING: The guy Dick Cheney shot in the face, introduced by the gun that shot him

Via iPhone

Let me explain. No, let me some up.

Bob

That works, too.

Bob

off topic but on target

In the comments section of an article about mask effectiveness, the following exchange occurred.

How to use a negative review in your advertising

Bob

This day in History: Aug 8, 1876:

Thomas Edison patented the mimeograph machine.

Thomas Edison patented the mimeograph machine.

Thomas Edison patented the mimeograph machine.

Thomas Edison patented the mimeograph machine.

Thomas Edison patented the mimeograph machine.

Thomas Edison patented the mimeograph machine.

Thomas Edison patented the mimeograph machine.

Thomas Edison patented the mimeograph machine.

Thomas Edison patented the mimeograph machine.

“The more you know”

Nerd Joke

Bob

Right place right time

Turnabout

Good Advice: What to do if a lion attacks

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